Christmas and Dieting Humor!!!

1. If you eat food off of someone else's plate, the calories should not count. Also, if you didn't order it and end up eating it, the calories should not count.

2. If you eat standing up, only 1/2 the calories should count.

3. If you think about going to the gym 5 times without going, you can add 150 calories to your exercise calories bank. After all, thinking about going to the gym is hard work.

4. If you have a piece of cake with a diet drink, the calories cancel themselves out.

5. If you pay money to lose weight, i.e. many weight loss programs require monthly fees, then the pounds should automatically be removed from your body.

6. We should be able to pay someone to exercise for us and download the benefits to our body somehow!

A Little Poem!!!

 Twas the month after Christmas,  
 and all through the house,  
 Nothing would fit me,  
 not even a blouse.  
   
 The cookies I'd nibbled,  
 the eggnog I'd taste,  
 At the holiday parties,  
 had gone to my waist.  
   
 When I got on the scales,  
 there arose such a number!  
 When I walked to the store,  
 (less a walk than a lumber).  
   
 I'd remember the marvelous,  
 meals I'd prepared;  
 The gravies and sauces,  
 and beef nicely rared,  
   
 The wine and the rum balls,  
 the bread and the cheese,  
 And the way I'd never said,  
 "No, thank you, please."  
   
 As I dressed myself,  
 in my husband's old shirt,  
 And prepared once again,  
 to do battle with dirt,  
   
 I said to myself,  
 as I only can  
 "You can spend a winter  
 disguised as a man!"  
   
 So-away with the last,  
 of the sour cream dip,  
 Get rid of the fruit cake,  
 every cracker and chip.  
   
 Every last bit of food,  
 that I like must be banished  
 Till all the additional,  
 ounces have vanished.  
   
 I won't have a cookie,  
 not even a lick.  
 I'll want only to chew,  
 on a long celery stick.  
   
 I won't have hot biscuits,,  
 or corn bread, or pie,  
 I'll munch on a carrot,  
 and quietly cry.  
   
 I'm hungry, I'm lonesome,  
 and life is a bore-  
 But isn't that what,  
 January is for?  
   
 Unable to giggle,  
 no longer a riot.  
 Happy New Year to all,  
 and to all a good diet!